I was recently asked, “What does it mean to be a feminist man?”. In an attempt to articulate an answer, I thought of a few men that I felt fortunate enough for having in my life.
Subconsciously, it was also a criterion I used to choose whom I trusted when seeking sound advice.
It was interesting how easy it was to filter out misogynist men, but tricky to separate a sympathiser from an ally. Where a sympathiser is someone who disagrees with the patriarchal view, still isn’t disgusted or motivated enough to take action or voice concern but an ally is.
I wondered if this filter could be broadened to separate a champion from a supporter.
A champion is,
someone who not only pats your back to congratulate or comfort you
but also pushes you two steps forward when you take one step back.
Not as a favor but because they notice a subtle trait — self-doubt, internal bias, fear, mental block, societal pressure, bullying, or a lack of resources — that made you hold back.
They recognize that sometimes you may need a personal mentor to help you unlearn what the “manual” of society has taught you. Or a personal cheerleader because the rules of the game weren’t written keeping you in mind.
A champion is willing to be that person for you.
I have learned from my journey that you don’t meet a lot of these people. Many a time you may confuse a supporter with a champion and lean on to the former too quickly.
When you fall for the charted course only because it feels comfortable, a supporter will continue to be supportive but only a champion will call you out.
Don’t get me wrong, I respect supporters and really value their presence. We need them. So when you can’t be somebody’s champion definitely be their supporter.
However when you do find that one person — who will be honest with you, won’t
fall for your excuses, but will still believe in you and guide you on your path forward,
Don’t lose them . Trust them.
On Right: Sneaking out of a long layover, having ice cream in "winter" with my new traveler friend, at Palm Springs, Dubai
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