The unwavering support system that one gets here in India is one you can only dream in the west. At the same time, the lack of boundaries and inherent interpersonal jealousy is one I couldn’t truly understand until I had the chance to come back here and live.
While in the west, once you draw a boundary, people often respect it. Here at home, that may not always be the case. Also, I have come to notice that people here don't support individual growth as much as comparative growth. If you are not better than "Sharma ji ka beta" than what's the point?
My parents never compared me with anyone else, but that didn't imply I wasn't being compared to. Something I was oblivious to until very recently.
People who teased my parents for “wasting” money on my education instead of hoarding “dowry”, were the first to ask their kids to follow in my footsteps.
People who hadn’t spoken to my parents for 20 years, suddenly didn't hesitate using "old friendship" card expecting me to help their kid in their career.
Almost everyone I know living anywhere abroad has said that their one of most, if not, the most important reason to move out of India was distance from this exact complicated stressful environment.
Having said that, in my experience, Indian folks in the west - the first or second generation who immigrated a couple of decades ago - aren’t very different and in most cases more regressive than those in India in addition to being hypocritical.
For instance I was once asked if I want a child in front of my father but was quickly judged for using the word “menstruation” in front of him.
(First one is a personal choice, the second isn’t)
Then why come home?
When I came here, whether I said it or not, everyone figured something was up.
The amount of love I received without anyone asking a single intrusive question, filled my heart. The love and support everyone talks about does exist here at home.
It would be remiss to not mention the general amount of care you receive from people you have never met before. In the west you are expected to be on your own, and asking for help is many times seen as a sign of incompetence and obligation, so you never ask.
However as soon as things were mostly okay. It was back to square one.
Opening my heart to everyone felt blissful, until it wasn't. As stupid as I felt thinking everything was hunky dory, it was heartbreaking to realise that it was never the case.
Protecting your energy
In the past, every time elders would talk about "evil eye" (or nazar as we say in India), I never took it seriously. Mostly because there is no logic to it. Until not so great things and incidents started happening in my life like a stack of dominos falling.
In eastern culture the lack of boundaries and never ending, almost obsessive, desire to be better than your peer, leaves you more exposed to these negative energies. Hence the concept of "Nazar".
It's tricky when its not apparent. If somebody is yelling and cursing you to your face, its easy to steer clear of that person/situation. But many a times, that's not the case.
You may have no logical reason to say no to a person or situation except a funny feeling in your heart. Your gut will always warn you, with a faint voice, that something doesn't feel right. In my case, my mind asked me to make a choice between listening to this illogical funny feeling or to my right brain and rubbishing it as meaningless fear.
I obviously didn't, and that's why we have a blog.
The only way I have been able to explain it to myself using logic was by connecting it back to the concept of energy and how important it is to keep your aura clean. I admitted to myself that may be I don't understand it enough but at this point, I am going to give this funny feeling some validation.
Bottom Line
Going through the motions of this complicated concept helped me understand the dynamics of the toxicity in Indian social structure and why things are so complicated. You begin to understand why people are stuck in the same circles and cycles.
I understood that there is an immense amount of love but there is also negativity that you get mostly in inheritance. Something you or anybody didn't choose.
Some say distance is the key, and may be it is. But I am not sure if that alone can solve it.
Not that I have a solution. Except to maybe learn to build a strong sense of self to protect my peace, and not let this hate and negativity make me forget the love that exists underneath all this chaos.
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