The more I talk to people,
The more I realize that people are consumed by fear.
Everywhere I travel, I am reminded that my career gap can and will go against me. Every few days, I have a conversation with my parents about my future. I couldn’t understand for the life of me - why is everyone so scared for me?
My inner monologue would go – they mean well, but I am not as scared as they are. Wait, should I be?
I have spent all of my twenties living in fear. The most dominant was fear of losing my job and hence losing my immigration status (even though, I had nothing to be afraid of). While American culture taught me to aim for excellence, the immigration policies instilled a crippling fear in me. And I hated living with this trade.
Slowly this fear grew like a parasite in me. I am not an inherently fearful person, but somehow l let myself be held hostage to these selective fears.
It took me six months to understand and another six to cement this belief - there is absolutely nothing worth trading your fearlessness for.
Recently, this fear started catching up on me again. Honest to god, I felt a bodily reaction of spitting it out. I said to myself – I know myself. I know I am a hard worker. I have excelled before and I can do it again. Whatever this next chapter has in store for me, I will always, always prioritize being my true self.
Like in the movie "3 idiots", during the job interview scene, Raju says (translated) -
“It took getting both of my legs broken to get me up on my feet,
Wasn't easy to get this attitude,
Can't change it, sir.
You keep your job, I'll keep my attitude.”
Watch the scene here:
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