Kate: "There seems to be no place in society for us (unmarried women) except at the edge of things"
Eloise: "That rather seems to be society’s flaw, not a woman’s"
Bridgerton, Season two
It’s sad when you realize things haven’t changed much since the Regency era portrayed in the Netflix series.
But isn’t this exchange between these two strong characters true for anyone who does not conform to societal expectations? Telling us that being an outlier has never been easy.
Through my travel, I was fortunate to meet a few of these “outliers”.
My interactions forced me to realize that I am nowhere close to being “untraditional” or an “outlier” as I might want to think of myself to be. It needs a lot more — guts, hard work, focus, as well as,
immense tolerance for hate and discomfort.
Every culture makes very distinct categories of what is deemed likable or admirable and what is not. Society strongly wires our brains to find comfort in how one ‘should’ live their life.
So, when choosing to walk outside the frame of societal expectations one should not expect comfort or external validation.
That doesn't mean following through with societal expectations is easy.
Becoming a lawyer or getting (and staying) married is not easy but if that’s what your parents expect you to do, and living up to their expectations is important to you (like most people),
then living your life as a single literature professor with estranged parents might seem dreadful.
Amidst choosing between the “should” and “could”. We tend to stumble, make confusing choices, and forget who we really are.
That’s where our inner circle, made of carefully chosen individuals, comes to our rescue.
Telling us “That’s not who you are, Mahima!”
So, sometimes it takes people who know us best to remind us who we are, help us reject options that might seem perfect, and be patient with us as we find ourselves again.
Sometimes it takes only one person who really knows us to show us the mirror.
Don’t be afraid to look at your reflection.
Be afraid of not recognizing what you see.
Don’t be afraid to be disliked by people, even if it includes those closest to you.
Be afraid of being disliked by your own self.
And while you are walking, stumbling, falling, getting back up,
You won’t be alone. You will find your people — a Kate, a Eloise — and for Bollywood fans — a Bunny or a Laila.
And when there’s no one, you will have yourself.
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